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The Paradox of Subtlety—When Kundalini Comes Like a “Thief in the Night” Part X

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When you begin to recognize the subtle forces at play…the push/pull/squeeze/twisting dynamics of the Life Force moving in the body, especially in the spine, then you will recognize the great gift you have been given that allows connection with the Divine Current!

It is the gift of being able to “tune-in” quickly to the proverbial “needle-in-a-haystack” of the exquisitely fine Bliss Resonance” vibrating deliciously in the spine!

The “Divine Current” can be thought of as a high frequency field of vibration that, through resonance, begins to shift the “density” of the body to a finer vibration. You will also find that whatever “lifts” and shifts the vibration of the body automatically tunes the mind to the higher frequency…again through principles of resonance.

The paradox is how close and easily accessible these subtle vibrations/sensations are! Your mind has the ability and capacity to naturally and quickly shift to a deeply focused, one-pointed attunement with the subtle currents.

In a nutshell, feeling into the fine sensations of the body (especially in the spine) has a way of focusing the mind. These moments might be fleeting in the beginning, but the visceral experience of connecting with finer and finer sensations gives you an inner acknowledgement (an inner “aha!”) of what happens when you “touch” the underlying sensation of the body/mind/psyche!

The experience is exquisitely subtle, but it is also a “big deal” because you recognize how very close and easily accessible the vibration has always been. It also represents a major shift in your relationship with your Life Force and your approach to meditation.

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The Paradox of Subtlety—When Kundalini Comes Like a “Thief in the Night” Part IX

Turtle Medicine by Bruce Manaka

Turtle Medicine, artwork by Bruce Manaka

The paradox of subtlety (of sensations) in the body, to me, is a grand mystery! It is a mystery how certain sensations in the spine/body, so subtle and seemingly insignificant, can be so powerfully activating when we allow ourselves to feel their fine reverberations!

I realize now that what was always accessible feeling-wise (subtle vibrations), I did not give much or any attention to. Even with all the years of meditation practice, with intention to go below the surface of the superficial, I did not truly “get” the significance of feeling into finer and finer sensations.

Here is what I believe happened that prevented me from connecting with the subtle vibrations. In my strong desire to meditate and to live the monastic life, my focus on meditation “practice” and living the monastic lifestyle created a protective shielding that insulated me from primal energies, of sex and wild, chaotic stirrings of the unconscious mind.

The paradox is that, for me, although the monastic lifestyle was able to provide structure and community to seek the Divine, at a certain point the “structure” was unable to accommodate the wild unraveling and unwinding of the awakening Life Force….Kundalini!

Think of it in this way: as you surely know, life and circumstances can at times get messy…really messy! With the awakening Kundalini, there seems to be an added component of “strangeness,” especially during times when body/mind/psyche are getting severely shaken.

During such times, the body can go through spontaneous contortions and gyrations as the energy builds up to a crescendo in the spine. It seems to me that the body lagged way behind in its capacity to process and manage the resonance of the high vibrations of Kundalini.

Leaving the ashram provided the initial “pattern disrupt,” shaking loose the structures and mind habits of how I approached meditation and spirituality in general.

I find it fascinating how the mind (my egoic mind) wants to make sense of its place in the world as well as to define and ascribe “meaning” to all things, including the wild ride of the awakening Kundalini.

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The Paradox of Subtlety—When Kundalini Comes Like a “Thief in the Night” Part VIII

Bruce Manaka Art

Considering how pulverizing to the body, mind and ego the Kundalini process can be, where does the “sweetness” come in? Now, this is an aspect of the awakening Kundalini that to me is quite paradoxical. It (sweetness) is there along with all the feelings of getting crushed, ground to dust.

For me, the concept of “sweet sorrows” somewhat captures an aspect or part of the experience of the awakening Kundalini. It is akin to the feelings of nostalgia, where there is a heart-wrenching longing to return “home”… where our sense of home is not so much the longing for our earthly abode, but rather the intuitive knowing and longing for a return to the Divine Sacred.

Of course, when going through a lot of pain, whether physical, mental, or spiritual, the pain has a way of taking up all of our attention, and the biggest desire is usually to be free of the pain.

Perhaps you’ve experienced this, that when pain (of whatever cause) is so prolonged and unrelenting, that you feel you cannot take one more moment of it…and there is only a cry/scream for help that comes from the deepest place of longing…of surrender.

I believe there is a place within each of us that has a memory of not only our own sufferings, but also a kind of collective memory of the sufferings of all beings. This happens through the field of resonance that surrounds the heart, connecting us with the wider field of the Cosmic Heart.

This is something that can only be felt…and we get glimpses of this Divine Connection through the haunting experience of “sweet sorrows,” when we’ve been prostrated by life circumstances, “forced to our knees” so-to-speak, to the point where our inner cries for help come from of an intuitive, spontaneous longing to “return home.”

However fleeting this experience might be, it is one that is forever haunting, creating a connection with what I think of as “grace.” To me, grace is a kind of ethereal lifeline that seems to show up miraculously through the darkest of nights!

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The Paradox of Subtlety—When Kundalini Comes Like a “Thief in the Night” Part VII

AwakeIntheDream

Regarding the feelings of “sweetness” mentioned in the previous post, I would like to elaborate further because it is, I believe, at the crux of the process of the awakening Life Force (Kundalini).

Of course, there is no “one-size-fits-all” process of what happens when Kundalini begins to awaken in individuals, but in my opinion, I believe there is a foundational vibration (of Kundalini) that imparts the Bliss response in the spine…which can manifest as “sweetness.”

As Kundalini begins to “awaken” in the spine, a refinement process takes place. For me, in the beginning this “refinement process” felt more like being worked on by jack hammer and wrecking ball! Hardly blissful or comfortable!

A lot of toxic and stuck energy in my body, mind and psyche had to be moved and expelled! Part of the “stuck” energy was my spiritual world view, which served me well for a number of years, but at a certain point got in the way through all the assumptions, expectations, beliefs and attachments regarding how things were “supposed” to work.

In a sense, I created a “hard shell” of protection around my world view, around all that was familiar and “safe” (which included my negative patterns of thoughts/behaviors as well).

Kundalini was like a great shaking that turned everything upside down, introducing me to a very different relationship and perspective with my sense of self and my Life Force.

It was/is a very wild ride! As well as paradoxical, non-linear, impossible to fully quantify or put into a step-by-step process!

Of course the mind likes to encapsulate, define and give meaning to things…and if I can “put in a nutshell” what the process of Kundalini is, I would describe it in this way: refine, purge, integrate…refine, purge, integrate…refine, purge, integrate…and on and on.

The periods of refining and purging are times when old and unhelpful structures of thoughts/behaviors are shifted and then released. The periods of integration allow for adjustment to the new and higher frequencies of being.

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The Paradox of Subtlety—When Kundalini Comes Like a “Thief in the Night” Part VI

Butterfly-Expansion

Artwork by Bruce Manaka

The play and dance of Kundalini is a most delicate feeling connection with finely nuanced sensations inside what seems to be the central core of the spine. We all have the capacity to feel these “currents” of vibration but miss them for want of “tuning in” slightly below the dense and heavy vibrations of the five senses, as well as with the habitual patterns of thoughts, desires, memories, etc.

There is so much that keeps us “busy” and distracted…engaged with all manner of outer distractions! Even with the intention to turn the attention within during periods of meditation, distractions and patterns of mind can distract us from connecting with the subtle vibrations.

When I look back on all the years of my meditation practice, I believe now that it just did not occur to me how important it was/is to feel into the overall sensation of the body…composed of all the seemingly insignificant sensations.

Now, the “overall sensation” of the body seems to resolve to a resonance or “hum” that, when focused upon, opens the awareness to extremely subtle sensations…the awakening of Kundalini!

As you gain greater facility and familiarity with Kundalini, it becomes more and more a play and dance with subtle forces, a most delicate balance of stillness and movement, of thought and no-thought!

My suggestion here, when feeling into the overall sensation/resonance of the body, to pay special attention to the subtle feeling of sweetness…even if it is just a “grain of sand’s” worth! Remember the paradox of subtlety: what seems to be so small, insignificant, can have huge impact on the consciousness!

The smallest feeling of sweetness, however it shows up for you, can be latched onto and followed to its source. There you will begin to understand and “get” the power (and paradox) of subtlety!

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