Tag Archives: grace

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part XI

In my healing journey with Lyme Disease, I cannot say that it was a step-by-step, linear progression of doing “this,” doing “that,” following this protocol, following that protocol, etc. In my estimation, the healing timeline went something like this: feeling bad, feeling really bad, feeling a little better, back to feeling bad, feeling really bad…healed!

From a purely objective point of view, it would appear that my Uchu Sanango Isolation Dieta in the Rainforest resulted in my physical healing. This would seem to be the case, but, as you may have surmised from what I’ve already written, there was/is a subtle aspect of my healing journey that confounded my logical mind. Some important inner shifts had to happen and, paradoxically, I now consider my physical healing from Lyme Disease as a secondary gift!

As much as I am grateful and feel that I “dodged a bullet,” I believe a deeper healing gift imparted was in experiencing my body, mind and sense of self as a very small “slice” of an infinite spectrum of vibratory dimensions, some of which I have no logical or verbal reference points to describe.

This “deeper healing gift” allowed me access to extremely subtle currents of vibrations and sensations in the body that I had previously not given much attention to. I think of these “subtle currents,” deliciously felt in the the spine, as “Grace.”

Different names and labels could be applied: Divine Spirit, Kundalini, Prana, Chi, etc…but to me, the word “Grace” has deepest meaning. It is a felt experience, like silken threads of finest, most subtle and yet delicious reverberations in the spine!

To me Grace is also an immense paradox, as the subtlety of its vibration belies its haunting Presence, an ethereal “lifeline” that guides us through the darkest of nights!

I don’t believe my healing from Lyme Disease could have been affected had I remained rigidly attached and isolated to the relatively narrow spectrum of the physics and logic of the world. For one thing, I believe that a dismissive, rigid and quick-to-judge attitude towards my “hallucinations” (as well as towards Lyme Disease in general) would have precluded explorations outside the standards and norms of medical science.

Lyme Disease was a wild and chaotic shaking and breaking down of my body, mind and psyche. Dealing with the Lyme Entity seemed to require an approach that included not only my logical mind, but also (and more importantly) an openness and ability to patiently and compassionately “hold space” for experiences outside the norm of the “normal” waking state.

Over the last few years I’ve been contacted by a number of chronic Lyme Disease sufferers. In sharing with them the different healing modalities that I explored, I have also endeavored to convey my belief in that aspect of Lyme Disease that seems to be way outside the familiar and normal, i.e., the “paranormal” (as manifested in my experience with the Lyme Entity).

Of course, this could easily be dismissed as hallucinations of a feverish mind…and this pronouncement/judgment would allow the mind to maintain order, structure and predominance in a world that has a strong disposition to ignore or invalidate out-of-the ordinary or paranormal phenomena.

However, I find it interesting that my story of the Lyme Entity has resonated with the majority of those with whom I’ve shared, in the sense that they have been in agreement with how tricky, bizarre and out-of-the-ordinary their own symptoms have been!

There is even a term that some medical doctors have used in regards to some of their Lyme Disease patients and their “off-the-charts” symptoms reported: Lyme Loonies!

My wild, crazy dance with Lyme Disease allowed me an insight into a subtle working of my mind/consciousness that I may not have been able to experience otherwise. I realized that the linear/logical mind, attached to the physics of the world, operates in a relatively narrow spectrum of consciousness. It works amazingly well in our structured, quantifiable world…but, in my opinion, it can get in the way when it runs up against a problem or disease that cannot be resolved or healed by “accepted” and standard approaches.

The mind can “get in the way” in its quick (and sometimes abrasive) dismissiveness of things that are outside the norms of “accepted” practice and science.

The thought of a Lyme Disease “entity” is far outside what is accepted by the standards of today’s medical “science.” However, in my experience of the Lyme Entity, hallucination or not, I saw how the mind, like a radio, could “tune” into dimensions very different from the physics of our “known” world. I also came to understand how the mind, when it it is quick to dismiss and rigidly judge what is outside the familiar, creates a kind of energetic “shutting down” effect of body and mind, something not conducive to healing.

For me, the experience of Lyme Disease was not only physically painful/weakening, but was also pulverizing to the ego in the sense that my best efforts and due diligence amounted to very little on the balance scales of healing.

Now, I do not wish to diminish or downplay the importance of doing our best, doing our “due diligence” —as it is of major importance—but the point I’m endeavoring to make is that, as human beings, the narrow and rigid focus we place on the linear, logical, waking state of consciousness deprives and blocks us from the potential help that is available from the realms that are outside the vibratory spectrum of what is physically measurable and quantifiable.

To me, Grace is that “potential help,” an infinitely subtle sensation that is sourced in the central core of the spine and that imparts the knowingness of how much support we receive and are surrounded with…especially when we are being pounded by life circumstances.

The experience of Grace is a subtle point that I have endeavored to convey in these posts on my healing journey and to me it will always remain the deeper healing gift received!

Leave a comment

Filed under healing, Kundalini, mind, Places beyond the mind

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VII

When I speak of the “hard shell” of my mind, it is the mind that attaches fiercely to sense of identity, to patterns of the world that are familiar, secure and “normal.” It wants the security of being able to survive in the world, as well as to make sense of its place spiritually.

In struggling with Lyme Disease, of course I wanted to be rid of the painful symptoms and I would have been very happy if the regular course of antibiotics worked. But this was not to be. My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy” of health. Instead it was plunged into realms of demonic entities and sorcery!

Now, I wanted to believe that I had an “open” and knowlegeable mind regarding spiritual and “demonic” realms and that I had a strong grounding (and experience) of such things from all the years of meditative discipline in the ashram.

However, life (and ultimately Lyme Disease) shook and thoroughly pulverized this naive belief (in my spiritual world view) that served for so many years to give me such security and solace.

I don’t believe that any amount of meditation, calling/praying on the Gods, Gurus, Angelic Guides, etc., could prepare me adequately for entry into those demonic dimensions. I wanted to think that if I ever had to move through such realms, that I would just call on God, Christ, the Angelic Guides, etc., and I would be protected. After all, I spent many years of my life in the practice of calling on Divine Protection, help and guidance.

However, what I had not expected (or thought possible) was the power of certain entities to withdraw from our minds the memory of how to call for help, or that Divine Help was even available. In previous experiences, I found that most entities have very little power over us, and it was just a matter of calling on the Divine to halt these unwanted intrusions. But then…there are some very powerful entities that seem to require a higher level of protection….Divine Grace!

To me, from the limited human perspective, Grace showed up as a most subtle, microscopically thin lifeline during the darkest of nights. It came unbidden as I had lost all moorings of how to call for help, how to call for Divine Protection. I was thrust into a demonic realm so horrifying and devoid of any spiritual (or human) reference point. All capacity for rational (or spiritual) thought seemed to be sucked out of me. I remember an entity jumping on my chest digging its claws into me. I then lost sense of who I was or where I was. There was only dark, paralyzing fear!

As mentioned, help came unbidden…and from unlikely sources. In my delirium of fear, I saw/heard a male lion come to my aid, ferociously defending me. I also heard a voice command three times, “Satan, get thee behind me!” This broke the initial onslaught, but I was totally spent!

Leave a comment

Filed under healing, mind, Overcoming fear, Places beyond the mind

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VI

Perhaps the idea of an intelligent Lyme Disease “Entity” is a bit much to accept…and that’s fine. This is just how Lyme Disease showed up for me and how, ultimately, required a kind of medicine “Spirit” strong enough to “extract” it.

However, no matter how an individual struggling with Chronic Lyme Disease comes to a place of healing, the main point I am endeavoring to impart is that dealing with the complications of Lyme Disease seems to demand a radical shift in how we listen and feel on the inside…learning to tune into vibrations and sensations beyond the “radar” of what we’ve come to view as “normal” and “familiar.”

For me, there was so much about Lyme Disease that was outside the realms of what was “normal” and familiar. Certain aspects of feeling “flu-like” symptoms, arthritic pains, exhaustion, etc., were familiar, but the hearing of voices in my head, strange sensations, hallucinations, seeing into demonic dimensions, etc., were not in the norm of my life experience!

As much as I wanted to believe that Lyme Disease was a bacterial infection that just required a regimen of taking antibiotics (doxycyclene), I realized early on that I was dealing with a “pathogen” that required on my part a radical shift in how I approached disease and healing.

In a way, the “hard shell” of my mind (and all its beliefs and assumptions regarding the world, got “cracked” open to realms and experiences very different from what I had come to consider normal and familiar.

The “cracking” of this hard shell of mind allowed connection with extremely subtle vibrations/sensations, which in turn allowed deeper understanding of “Grace.” And to me, Grace is like a microscopic “thread” or lifeline that is a felt experience, an infinitely thin silken thread that seems to vibrate most subtly (and deliciously) at the innermost center of the spine. It imparts the experience of “Glory.”

Leave a comment

Filed under healing, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part III

The following is something I wrote to someone I have come to know as a dear friend and Sister. She contacted me after reading about my journey of healing from Lyme Disease. My hope is that this can be of help to those who suffer from any chronic illness.

I deeply feel for you Sister! Sometimes it’s so impossibly difficult to navigate this Earthly plane…crazy, wild circumstances…and then to have the additional burden of physical challenges/diseases such as with Lyme. Yeah, it seems that life (Spirit?) conspires to bring us to our knees!

And from that place where we are forced to our knees, when our screams/prayers for help is as from every cell of our body, then—at least in my experience—something breaks (or perhaps opens up) on the inside, allowing us to viscerally experience…Grace! …which can be like the thinnest of lifelines that we can hold to through the darkest of nights!

To me Grace is not just a sentimental abstraction. It is a vibration/sensation. The closest way I can express this is in the abstraction of “Sweet Sorrows.” I imagine that you can understand the experience of crying so long and deeply there is a place you touch that can only be described as…sweetness? I think the feeling is connected with nostalgia…and to me nostalgia is connected with the mysterious longing to “return home”…to our spiritual home.

This tenuous state can last for years, as it did in my experience…and that is why I think of it as being an “initiation” into higher vibratory realms. To me it is the most difficult thing to go through, with no guarantee of “passing.” I do not wish to discourage you dear Sister, but to rather convey how very close I think you are to the Divine Mysteries!

It’s not a bad place to be (on your knees), especially when your cry is for the Mother! For me the the very thin “lifeline” of help (of Grace)—over time—morphed into the subtle “Kundalini” current in the spine—and then again showed itself as the Divine Mother! 

Perhaps your cries to the Universe will manifest in different ways, but they will be very personal to you.

I hope this helps sweet Sister! My heart is with you! Your Brother

Leave a comment

Filed under Accessing Your Higher Self, Higher Self, Kundalini, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit

When Kundalini Awakens, Part II

When going through extremely painful breakdowns in our lives, whether physical, psychological, spiritual (and all the infinite iterations of illness, toxic relationships, financial meltdowns, etc.) it seems that all we can do is…endure. In extreme breakdowns, it can seem that all props (and help) are taken away…we are pushed to the limits!

And during such times, the Kundalini vibration can still be connected with, albeit in a most subtle way. For those who have no such connection or even a rudimentary “belief” in some “Higher Power” (Spirit, God, Angelic help, etc.), an extremely painful breakdown can be devastating on all levels, fracturing the psyches of those who have nothing to “hang onto.”

Even for those of “faith” and for those who have deep connection with Kundalini (with Spirit), there can be a “pulverizing” of body/mind/psyche, and even a “forgetting” of how to call out for help.

To me, this is where “Grace” steps into our energetic field. It becomes the thinnest of lifelines that can be held onto through the darkest of nights…a microscopic thread of sensation felt deep in the spine.

Sometimes I think of this “lifeline” as Grace…an ethereal vibration/sensation that can be felt as a most delicate and subtle “sweetness.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Accessing Your Higher Self, Kundalini, mindfulness

Kundalini Dance of Subtlety, Part III

The following is in response to a number of individuals who have shared with me their terrifying (and yet positively transformative) experiences with Kundalini awakening. Although I use the term “Kundalini awakening,” I do not ascribe any particular religious philosophy or practice to the term. It’s just a way for me to label an experience that is deeply mystifying, wild, crazy, primal, terrifying, mind-shattering, ego-dissolving…and yet ultimately sacred and blissful!

IMG_0037

Kundalini Awakening

When we get “cracked” wide open through Kundalini awakening, our sensitivities to subtle realms become heightened to not only angelically beautiful dimensions, but sometimes also to demonically horrid ones as well.

I see it as a kind of “rite-of-passage,” a teaching device that helps us learn to navigate all realms, the heavenly as well as hellish ones. In my experience, I believe no amount of preparation, spiritual practices, calling on angelic protectors, etc., was able to adequately prepare me for entry into those realms. Of course prayers and preparation can be of great help, but I now believe that the bulk of learning happens only while moving through those dimensions…a “sink-or-swim” proposition!

My learning: GRACE! For me, three days prior to my crown opening experience, it was a period of extreme terror, the very last night being the most scary! Everything that I had “thought” I knew previously about protecting myself spiritually and psychically …and that worked fairly well for me in the past, seemed to be “taken away.” In other words, it was as if I could not access (or even remember) my protectors, guides, prayers, etc.

What got me through the nights came unbidden by me: my animal protector, the lion. I remember growling, snapping, roaring for a very long time! Ultimately, my Guides came through, again all unbidden by me, as at that point I did not have the wherewithal to call for help!

When the crown opened up, the entity attacks ceased. They could not bother me. I stayed there for the next 24 hours or so. I’m still integrating the experience and will continue doing so for perhaps the rest of my life!

Going through suffering, dark night of the soul, etc., seems to be all part of the experience…part of our “initiation.” At least that was what was communicated to me. And I’m not sure there was any guarantee of physical survival…

At some point in the process (as I was being put back together), the “I” in me asked, “Where were you (Mother)? Why did you leave me in such a bad place/state?” The answer came as a torrent/download of Love/Bliss (as well as with these words): “We were all there with you during your suffering, but would not interrupt your initiation. When your tears flowed freely not only for yourself but for the condition of the world, did your suffering stop. Your initiation was complete!”

For those who are going through this “mind-shattering/ego-dissolving” process, Perhaps it might be helpful to think of it as a kind of initiation, one that will ultimately transform/recreate you into the powerful and loving Being that you are in essence!

I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not. Contact me here if you’d like to: Connect With the Bliss Resonance

I will get back to you but please be sure to check your filtered mail as my email may get placed in your junk mailbox.

Leave a comment

Filed under animal totems, bliss, Kundalini, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit

Kundalini Dance of Subtlety Part II

Part I of “Kundalini Dance of Subtlety” can be accessed here

Mother Kundalini

Mother Kundalini

I think that it’s kind of ironic that, for me, Kundalini did not activate for me until having dropped my strong attachments to meditation techniques, as well as leaving an ashram that I lived as a monk for 19 years.

For me, releasing the strong “matrix” of spiritual community and “group think” created an inner feeling of “free-fall,” having nothing to stand on, or hold onto…which then offered me intimations of primal and chaotic sensations/energies moving through my body and psyche.

A few years after having left the ashram, I began singing, vocalizing in very unusual ways: throat singing (similar to Mongolian and Tibetan styles). Singing in this way came very quickly and easily for me. The subtleties of vocal overtones helped me to disconnect my thinking and any stories that would normally go round and round in my head (sadness, grief, etc.)

So many layers of density, of sadness and grief have had to be released/purged in the intervening years (since 2001). Kundalini, in the form of the Mother came to me in 2009. I felt/thought that she was extremely shy. She turned to me three times, without saying anything, beckoning me to follow her into my spine. I intuited immediately and felt her as Kundalini.

I’m glad that there is a mental concept/philosophy such as Kundalini. Otherwise, I might think that I was going a little (or maybe a lot) crazy. It gives my mind something to “chew” on in the sense that my mind seems to go ‘round and ‘round if it cannot make sense of something.

Kundalini, to me, is so far out there, wild, crazy, primal, maddening, blissful, that the mind seems to be right on the borderline of sanity and insanity! I now feel quite safe with Her in the sense of having learned to navigate very strange mental/physical/emotional/spiritual landscapes of Being. It still feels though like being in a world where veils are getting thinner and thinner.

With the onset of Kundalini there has also been times of simply ENDURING…during certain times when no amount of meditation, positive thinking, calling for help seems to ease physical/mental/spiritual suffering. Perhaps it does, but my meaning here is that there seems to be times when we get so “ground to dust” that we don’t have the wherewithal or even the memory to call for help, or shore ourselves up.

This is where Grace seems to come through. And this is my belief: that Kundalini comes with Grace. As blissful and ecstatic as Kundalini can be, it seems to also have a way of grounding us to dust, taking away all props, forcing us to our knees so-to-speak. At least that’s been my experience.

When it had been so, so dark, when I had forgotten myself and how to call for help, this is where Grace had stepped in, like the tiniest sliver of light (my lifeline) in a universe of darkness.

Kundalini, it all seems to be one large Cosmic Dance. Beautiful at times, grotesque at times…but a dance all the same, where we are being asked to let Her lead!

I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not. Contact me here if you’d like to: Connect With the Bliss Resonance

I will get back to you but please be sure to check your filtered mail as my email may get placed in your junk mailbox.

Leave a comment

Filed under bliss, Finding Your Voice, freedom, Kundalini, mind, mindfulness, Overcoming fear, overtone singing, Receiving Spirit, sound healing