When we feel the pulse beat of the Mother flowing through our bodies, the river of surrender calls us to flow with all that is: pain, pleasure and everything in-between. I’ve been dealing with some intense sciatica pains over the last few weeks in my right leg, a result of too much chopping wood. Night after night, unable to sleep, having to get up and hobble around just to manage the pain! Something very interesting though: although I “felt” most severely the pain in my right leg, as I followed it internally to its source, it seemed to pulsate from the deepest center of my Being; and from there a strange question arose, “What do you want?” Of course my immediate answer was “To be free of this blasted pain!” This was followed by another question, “Can you be ok with this?” With this request the body stood up and began to move in an awkward dance accompanied by my muffled sarcastic reply, “Do I have a choice?”
At three a.m. I was in no mood to ponder the infinite complexities of the cosmos nor the words that I just heard. I just wanted to go to sleep and be rid of pain! However, dancing across the floor of my yurt seemed somewhat bizarre and a bit alarming to my wife, who by this time wanted to take me to the hospital. I considered this option but did not want to interrupt the grotesque ballet being enacted. It occurred to me as I continued to witness this unusual tableau that the energetic wave moving through my body was some kind of Cosmic Dance of pain and pleasure. It seemed that the bliss energies in the spine that I had grown accustomed to were moving side-by-side with the intense physical pains as a way to release and balance out the energies in the affected areas. Perhaps writhing on the floor would have been a more “normal” reaction to the pain that I was feeling, but for some inexplicable reason, the dance had taken over, along with a number of mysterious vocalizations that made this episode all the more eerie.
I finally fell asleep at around 4:30am, not because the pain had subsided, but because I was exhausted. The body had to go through its dance of pain and no matter how much I desired a release from its grip, I was allowed only meager moments of respite. At some point during my cherished sleep, the question, “Can you be ok with this?” changed into “I’m ok with this.” It went on automatically like a song sung feverishly with no thinking involved, just the sound vibrations moving through the body like little snakes darting in and around my hips and legs.
As I sit here now, a few weeks after having experienced the above story, the pain has subsided substantially and the leg is on the road to complete recovery; and yet the question, “Can you be ok with this?” continues to surface daily as a reminder of the pain and its call for me to dance with what may be most uncomfortable. I am reminded that certain repetitive movements of breath and body helps to move energy. It is not so much a matter of “practicing” techniques, but rather an allowing of the energy to “dance” in ways that it wishes to move.
It is all a play of energy, an allowing of the dance to move through and within the bodily field. The beautiful resonance of Love and Bliss are already in the field and it is just a matter of letting what is already within us entrain with the Cosmic Dance.