Considering how pulverizing to the body, mind and ego the Kundalini process can be, where does the “sweetness” come in? Now, this is an aspect of the awakening Kundalini that to me is quite paradoxical. It (sweetness) is there along with all the feelings of getting crushed, ground to dust.
For me, the concept of “sweet sorrows” somewhat captures an aspect or part of the experience of the awakening Kundalini. It is akin to the feelings of nostalgia, where there is a heart-wrenching longing to return “home”… where our sense of home is not so much the longing for our earthly abode, but rather the intuitive knowing and longing for a return to the Divine Sacred.
Of course, when going through a lot of pain, whether physical, mental, or spiritual, the pain has a way of taking up all of our attention, and the biggest desire is usually to be free of the pain.
Perhaps you’ve experienced this, that when pain (of whatever cause) is so prolonged and unrelenting, that you feel you cannot take one more moment of it…and there is only a cry/scream for help that comes from the deepest place of longing…of surrender.
I believe there is a place within each of us that has a memory of not only our own sufferings, but also a kind of collective memory of the sufferings of all beings. This happens through the field of resonance that surrounds the heart, connecting us with the wider field of the Cosmic Heart.
This is something that can only be felt…and we get glimpses of this Divine Connection through the haunting experience of “sweet sorrows,” when we’ve been prostrated by life circumstances, “forced to our knees” so-to-speak, to the point where our inner cries for help come from of an intuitive, spontaneous longing to “return home.”
However fleeting this experience might be, it is one that is forever haunting, creating a connection with what I think of as “grace.” To me, grace is a kind of ethereal lifeline that seems to show up miraculously through the darkest of nights!
The play and dance of Kundalini is a most delicate feeling connection with finely nuanced sensations inside what seems to be the central core of the spine. We all have the capacity to feel these “currents” of vibration but miss them for want of “tuning in” slightly below the dense and heavy vibrations of the five senses, as well as with the habitual patterns of thoughts, desires, memories, etc.
There is so much that keeps us “busy” and distracted…engaged with all manner of outer distractions! Even with the intention to turn the attention within during periods of meditation, distractions and patterns of mind can distract us from connecting with the subtle vibrations.
When I look back on all the years of my meditation practice, I believe now that it just did not occur to me how important it was/is to feel into the overall sensation of the body…composed of all the seemingly insignificant sensations.
Now, the “overall sensation” of the body seems to resolve to a resonance or “hum” that, when focused upon, opens the awareness to extremely subtle sensations…the awakening of Kundalini!
As you gain greater facility and familiarity with Kundalini, it becomes more and more a play and dance with subtle forces, a most delicate balance of stillness and movement, of thought and no-thought!
My suggestion here, when feeling into the overall sensation/resonance of the body, to pay special attention to the subtle feeling of sweetness…even if it is just a “grain of sand’s” worth! Remember the paradox of subtlety: what seems to be so small, insignificant, can have huge impact on the consciousness!
The smallest feeling of sweetness, however it shows up for you, can be latched onto and followed to its source. There you will begin to understand and “get” the power (and paradox) of subtlety!
When feeling into the overall sensation of the body, notice the corresponding shifts in awareness, however subtle. For example, when sitting (as in meditation pose), while experiencing the overall vibration/sensation of the body, it is important to also notice the very slight shifts in consciousness as the mind begins to tune into the finer movements of energy deep within the body.
By noticing the very slight shifts in consciousness, as the awareness latches onto finer and finer currents of sensations, it gives a reference point for knowing how to go deeper and deeper into the subtle reverberations of the life force.
This “reference point” of the simple “noticing/acknowledging” of feeling into what is just beneath any sensation (giddiness for example) provides an entry point for the mind to go deeper into subtle vibration. Any sensation, then, can serve as an invitation for the mind to follow and grab hold of the finer and finer threads of vibrations that then lead to deeper and deeper states of meditative trance.
For anyone who loves to dance, they usually know what kind of music gets their juices flowing. Their bodies seem to move on their own, in resonance with what they hear and feel!
We are music loving, dance loving creations! When we tune into the fine sensation that is activated inside of us upon listening to our favorite music, a doorway is opened to experience that “Aha! There it is (the ecstatic vibration)!” moment with the Bliss Resonance.
That “Aha!” moment represents a conscious connection with the very fine, microscopic thread of the Bliss sensation that can be pulled and followed to exquisitely deep and luxurious feelings in the body and especially the spine.
In this connection with the Bliss Resonance, the sensation in the body is like the finest silken thread being pulled through the spine. This is the thread that the archetype of “Spider Woman” uses to weave the very fabric of creation! Her needles move at the speed of Now to create all things!
I write these accounts with the hope that—to those of you who have followed this “thread” of “We Are Meant to Dance” thus far, that it may awaken your apprehension of this very fine energetic thread moving through the spine and limbs and that you have the somatic experience of which I speak.
In this experience the body is as a lightning rod so to speak, electrified by the ecstatic current moving through the field of the body. For those who resonate with these words, with the space that I speak from, understand that you are a mere hairbreadth away from that “Aha!” recognition of the sublime Bliss Resonance!
I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not.
Went to last night’s Ecstatic Dance, something I’ve not been able to do regularly of late. I realized how much I miss it, how important dance has been in helping me to connect with the very fine Bliss Resonance that I speak so often of in my blog posts.
In dance, it is easy to connect with the waves of “feel good” juices in the body. Now, something interesting: I notice that certain types of sounds and their overtones can be tracked to very deep places in the body, especially in the areas of the spine. Physical vibration that can be felt in finer and finer subtlety. For me (and it might be different for others), certain sounds of the voice, flute, didgeridoo, violin and sitar especially have a way of vibrating the innermost areas of the spine.
This morning, as I listen to the bamboo flute as played by Steve Gorn in his piece “At Ease,” it is easy to follow the vibration of the sounds into the spine, where the build-up of the Bliss Resonance then happens of itself. The natural movement of the body is a kind of contortion of the spine, a squeezing sensation that moves bliss through the body.
It just requires an initial recognition of what is activating, nudging us to move in resonance with the music. Have you ever wondered why most young people (perhaps not all), loves to dance? Of course there might be the obvious wanting to meet potential mates. Music, sex, dance…it all gets mixed into the cauldron of our primal urges/desires.
By tuning into that very fine, activating nudge/desire that moves us to dance or have sex, therein lies the conscious connection with the Bliss Resonance. When you make that visceral, conscious connection, everything changes…
This post is a continuation of my last blog entry. A good friend and reader left insights and comments regarding my last entry that I feel are very important for any spiritual seeker to consider. The following is from Scott, (a fellow ex-monk from the same ashram we once lived in) from Skeptics Meditation followed by my response:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. Having thought about this myself too, but somewhat differently.
I’d go further than the harms of “mental constructs of meditation”.
How about these unprovable “mental constructs”? Aum or chakras, Third Eyes, or Spinal Currents (kundalini serpents).
Failing to ever know for ourselves whether we really experience these we rely on the gurus, texts, and spiritual traditions which implanted the concepts in our minds in the first place. It’s a perfect recipe (dished up by the teachers) to never trust oneself, one feelings or sensations.
Thanks Scott, for your thoughts and insights. My approach and thinking around the “mental constructs” of Aum, chakras, third eye, etc is this: I have my physical body that is able to feel sensations. I also feel emotions like sadness, joy, anger, etc. I also know that I have what I call the “mind” that wants to make sense of the world. Concepts, such as “Aum” has a very different meaning for me now.
When I sing/tone Aum, I feel for the sensations that go from the back of the throat and ends at the lips. I tone it in a way that vibrates my nasal cavity. This has a particular sensation that feels really good. That “feel good” sensation expands the more I allow myself to feel.
It wasn’t always this way. Chanting Om had no real affect on me, at least not in a deep way. It wasn’t until I started throat singing, gutteral singing that I started to feel in a deeper way. Still, no real big shakes.
One day, for no reason that I can remember, I noticed how sensations had “underlying” sensations, very fine vibrations that I could feel. Not in my imagination, but really feel. This opened the way for me to explore subtle vibrations. In exploring fine vibrations in the body, I also came to feel exquisite “feel good” sensations.
Attributing any special “spiritual” meaning to this visceral experience would just get in the way, as the act of thinking about it seems to cut off the deeply felt “feel good” feelings. I describe this as the “Bliss Resonance.” I use the term “Bliss” because in my experience it is a visceral experience, just as intense as sexual orgasm, just in a different area of the body, higher up in the spine. Ascribing otherworldly, spiritual meaning to the experience is not necessary, but words are required in order to convey the process.
Take the words, “Kundalini serpents” for example. Just words, concepts describing an energetic state of the body/mind…along with a lot of “spiritual connotations” that may or may not be scientifically provable.
For me it would remain just stuff of the imagination, heavy mental baggage if devoid of the somatic feel, the visceral experience of what feels like (to me) a coiling, serpentine movement of vibration/energy in the spine.
Now, to me, there is a very fine and interesting point that can be made here. Inquiring minds might say, “It’s all made up stuff in someone’s imagination! It’s not real. At most, it is just a sensation/vibration/feeling that is exaggerated to be something way more than what it really is. So f***n big deal!” And they would be correct in their assessment. The Kundalini energy is just a vibration, a sensation, a feeling.
Here’s the thing though…and I can only speak from my own experience of the sensation…and that is all anyone really has that can be of real significance: our own experience. From my perspective as an artist, it is as if my palette of paints went from a dozen colors to more than a thousand.
Likewise, it is as if my “palette” of perceived sensations in my body (especially the spine) went from a dozen to over a thousand, with the underlying and significant sensation being that of the Bliss Resonance, an extremely pleasurable and activating vibration that comes with an “Oh my f***n God!” exhortation. In other words, the experience leaves no room for conjecture, “Did I imagine that? Was that real?” Etc. Etc. It is like, if anyone wonders whether or not they had an orgasm or not, they definitely did not! 🙂
Anyway, that’s it for now. Thanks again Scott! Your comments, questions, insights are always welcome here!
I’m familiar—as most people are—with the emotional states of sadness, grief, joy, anger, etc. The wide emotional range of what it means to be human. Take joy for example. If we follow the sensations that move through the body, it seems to trigger a smile response upon our face, which also has a sensation. Now, when tuning into the sensation/vibration of joy in the body, the mind’s attention can easily follow and “attune” to the vibration. It offers a natural way of focusing the mind, relaxing the tight and distracted mind.
The body has the sensitivity to feel deeply and in this sensitivity to vibration, we can learn to use any feeling/sensation to go deeply into the body, to attune the mind—in resonance—with exquisitely fine sensations. What value does this have?
For one thing, it is a natural and simple way of focusing the mind, a way of releasing thought loops of worries and anxieties. Also, when the attention is focused upon sensations in the body, the natural pathway of attention, of mind, seems to be towards finer and more subtle vibration… and it is in this subtlety that the connection to the Bliss Resonance can be established.
I find it interesting that in all my years of meditation “practice,” my attachment (and rigidity) to doing technique “correctly” served as a mental barrier that would ensure my eternal inability to connect with the fine bliss sensations in the spine that the gurus spoke about.
In releasing the mental constructs of meditation and allowing myself to simply feel and follow the inner prompts of sensations, wherever they started (joyful, sad, angry, scary, etc.), I found that all feelings/sensations are connected to a deeply vast resonance that has an ecstatically “feel good” component.
It is a matter of getting past our inner gatekeeper, the thoughts/beliefs/assumptions we have regarding God, spirituality, techniques.
Something I’ve been noticing about the “practice” of mindfulness. In the past, for the most part, it remained a haphazard, unfocused “practice” that sounded like a good thing to do from a “spiritual” perspective. It therefore had very little impact, depth or benefit in my life. It just wasn’t happening for me, regardless of my intention and hours of “practice.”
However, when connecting with the subtle sensations of feelings, emotions, etc. and especially the delicate bliss resonance in the spine, mindfulness just happens. The experience of the bliss resonance has a way of automatically fine-tuning the attention. It prompts the mind’s focus to go inwardly towards its fine vibration…because it feels so ecstatically good! Very little effort or act of will is required once the nervous system and mind has become acquainted with the subtle sensation…because it feels so good!
The same can be said of my “practice” of meditation technique. Years of practice with no real depth of connection with what the gurus spoke about. In connecting with the delicate and subtle bliss sensation, the “feel good juice,” mojo that can be easily tapped into, then deep meditation happens automatically… and technique falls away, as the bliss vibration guides the energy to move in a certain way through the body, especially the spine.
As I said, it can be easily tapped into. How is it that it can be missed for a lifetime(s)? In the same way that we miss the activating undercurrents of joy just before a smile. In the same way that we miss the delicate overtones of a beautiful voice.
It is not difficult to tap into the Bliss Resonance in the body. It just requires an openness to follow feelings, emotions, sensations (even the ones we’d rather not look at).
For those who wish a deeper dive and connection with the Bliss Resonance, feel free to contact me for a free phone consult. Whether we decide that we are a good fit to work together (or not), you will get much benefit.
The body is an infinitely creative, bliss generating machine. It was not meant to be an instrument of torture, although it may seem so when we are sick, injured or out of balance.
I know that when I’m sick or injured, my energy level is compromised and it is difficult to feel upbeat, happy, or of positive mind. During such times it seems the energy is diverted primarily towards healing and going “off-line,” disconnecting from activities that would normally be engaging to us: our creative desires, passions, interests, etc. There is only the desire to rest, sleep, to regain energetic balance. There is also an inner sense or calling to simply endure.
As we move towards balance, our energy level increases. If I’m mindful during this period of coming back “online,” I notice a resuming of feelings of well being, of happiness and creativity.
I notice the increasing energy is like turning the switch back on to the “feel good” juices in the body…a reconnecting with the Bliss Resonance.
Being mindful during the transition from sickness to well-being offers an amazing “Aha!” moment of viscerally connecting with and witnessing the birth of the Bliss Resonance in your consciousness. Once this connection is made, you will always remain connected, even during sickness and imbalance…you will know its most subtle hiding place in the spine, where you can “hear” it sleeping.
Pain and pleasure, sorrow and bliss, we know all too well in our lives. They sometimes seem to exist side by side…at the same time! We push sadness away while not letting go of the recurring stories of why we are sad. We feel so deeply and yet deaden our senses and blind ourselves to all that is right in front of us: the precious moment! And all the sensations of pain, pleasure, bliss, sadness, joy, etc., are there to inform/prompt us of…next steps…if we would only allow ourselves to feel and listen…deeply!
Feelings in the body, when we allow ourselves to follow the sensations deeply within, have a way of aligning/moving the body in a certain way that helps the sensations (even sadness and grief) to expand to a much wider field of play.
Echoes of Sensations
Echoes of sensations
That play and dance
In my body
Of finest rainbow colors
Held, felt in secret pathways
Of spine and brain
Scintillating, moving of themselves
Enlivened by the mind’s attention
Held, embraced, pushed, pulled
Like nectar squeezed
And every tissue of the body