Category Archives: mindfulness

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part X

The main point I wish to convey here is that the problem solving, linear/logical mind, as powerful and important as it is in taking care of our bodies/minds/psyches in our daily lives can, ironically, get in the way of the healing that we seek. It creates huge barriers of judgments, prejudices and dismissiveness when it comes to things outside the narrow spectrum of “acceptable” or quantifiable “reality.”

The logical mind seems to have no trouble on the “playing field” of well defined rules and codes of behavior. For example, in games of sport, there are agreed rules and codes of behavior, with well defined boundaries of “play.” This is something that is engaging and naturally attractive to the mind, because, win or lose, it all makes sense to the mind.

In the realms of medicine, there are massive systems and structures in place that have scientifically tried and proven treatment protocols that have had amazing success. However, with certain illnesses/diseases, such as with Lyme Disease, cancers, autoimmune diseases, etc., science has yet to discover definitive cures.

In my experience with Lyme Disease, in a strange (and even weird) way, it showed me a different way of “looking” at my disease. Initially, my mind desperately wanted to follow a step-by-step medical protocol, to take a regimen of pills and be healed. it wanted a return to “normalcy.” However, I saw and experienced it as a vampiric entity that embedded itself in my body/mind/psyche.

This showed me aspects of the mind that, on one level, has a natural affinity and attachment to familiar patterns in the environment. It is very quick to recognize and judge what it likes and does not like…and what it does not like, or what challenges its predominance, is quick to judge, size up, label and dismiss.

On another and perhaps deeper level, Lyme Disease and especially my “conversation” with the Lyme Entity showed me an aspect of mind far outside the spectrum of normal/familiar for me…and yet any reactivity and quickness to judge and to dismiss the experience did not come up, which proved to be an important part in my ultimate healing.

I came to understand that having strong and quick judgments about things that made me uncomfortable or ill, fostered a dismissive and abrasive mindset that had a way of shutting down my energetic field…which contributed to agitation and restlessness…things not conducive to healing.

In my own healing from Lyme Disease, I cannot say with certainty that the healing protocols that I followed led to my ultimate healing. There seemed to be some unquantifiable intervening steps that took place that created the “perfect storm” of a “healing crisis.”

What I mean by this is that in all the major and minor protocols that I explored and followed, the final one led me to the jungles of Peru to partake in a very strict Uchu Sanango Dieta, during which I was in isolation for eight days, administered to by only the Shaman.

Now, Uchu Sanango is considered one of many “ordeal” medicines by the Shamans of Peru and for me it proved to be the most painful experiences of my life. In my work with other plant medicines, I was quite familiar with strong purgative medicines…but Uchu Sanango was way beyond anything I had experienced before!

Please pardon the following graphic/gross descriptions of my experience. Do not read the following if you are queasy… but I feel it is important to include in my narrative.

On the second day, a number of hours after drinking my cup of medicine at 3am, I had the purge of a lifetime! It was so violent and unrelenting that at one point I was gasping for air, during which at one point the timing of vomiting and breathing in coincided. I breathed into my lungs a large quantity of vomit (medicine and bile) that had been in my stomach for hours!

The pain was so intense that I went into visionary state wherein I felt the Lyme Entity leave my body from the top of my head, like it was being unwound from my shoulders, neck and head. This occurred with facial contortions and vocal hissing. Although I was out of my mind from the pain, there seemed to be a part of me that was able to observe and remember every part of the experience.

My thinking about the experience is this: the searing heat going through my lungs and body made it too inhospitable for the Lyme Entity to remain.

Leave a comment

Filed under healing, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IX

In my experience with the Lyme Disease “entity,” even though it was far outside the “zone” of what was familiar, I did not question for a second whether it was “real” or not, because, although I was quite conscious and aware that I was having a “non-ordinary” experience, it seems that the need (or perhaps capacity) to ponder the validity or non-validity of the experience just did not come up. It appears that the linear/logical, questioning mind was rendered inactive.

There is an important point to consider here. In the “physics” (the accepted science) of the linear, logical world the above experience would most likely be dismissed as a hallucination of the feverish mind and, to me, a great opportunity would have been lost if I had concurred.

Let me explain: The mind will oftentimes resist, avoid or dismiss what it cannot make sense of, define, categorize or label…and this reactivity can unfortunately take an abrasive and dismissive approach when it comes to the wild “ramblings” and “hallucinations” of people deemed “unstable/ungrounded.” It appears that the linear/logical mind can be quite “territorial” (and even combative) in defending its predominance. In other words, the logical mind wants well established and agreed upon parameters of “acceptable reality.”

In quickly dismissing such experiences, the opportunity to see the world (and any potential value of the experience) through a very different lens of perspective would have been lost.

To me, the question regarding whether or not my experience was a hallucination or not is not so important. I’m ok with thinking that it was all imaginary…but that’s not to say that the objects of the “hallucination” were not “real” or without value. They’re just vibrating at different frequencies, perhaps not within the “bandwidth” that our bodies reside in nor within the range of our normal waking state.

In this way of thinking, all thoughts and objects of our imagination can be thought of as “real” from an energetic perspective. The important consideration is whether or not they have the power and consciousness to uplift and help us…I certainly know from my own experience that certain thoughts (imaginary or not) have the power to hurt/harm.

Leave a comment

Filed under healing, mind, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VI

Perhaps the idea of an intelligent Lyme Disease “Entity” is a bit much to accept…and that’s fine. This is just how Lyme Disease showed up for me and how, ultimately, required a kind of medicine “Spirit” strong enough to “extract” it.

However, no matter how an individual struggling with Chronic Lyme Disease comes to a place of healing, the main point I am endeavoring to impart is that dealing with the complications of Lyme Disease seems to demand a radical shift in how we listen and feel on the inside…learning to tune into vibrations and sensations beyond the “radar” of what we’ve come to view as “normal” and “familiar.”

For me, there was so much about Lyme Disease that was outside the realms of what was “normal” and familiar. Certain aspects of feeling “flu-like” symptoms, arthritic pains, exhaustion, etc., were familiar, but the hearing of voices in my head, strange sensations, hallucinations, seeing into demonic dimensions, etc., were not in the norm of my life experience!

As much as I wanted to believe that Lyme Disease was a bacterial infection that just required a regimen of taking antibiotics (doxycyclene), I realized early on that I was dealing with a “pathogen” that required on my part a radical shift in how I approached disease and healing.

In a way, the “hard shell” of my mind (and all its beliefs and assumptions regarding the world, got “cracked” open to realms and experiences very different from what I had come to consider normal and familiar.

The “cracking” of this hard shell of mind allowed connection with extremely subtle vibrations/sensations, which in turn allowed deeper understanding of “Grace.” And to me, Grace is like a microscopic “thread” or lifeline that is a felt experience, an infinitely thin silken thread that seems to vibrate most subtly (and deliciously) at the innermost center of the spine. It imparts the experience of “Glory.”

Leave a comment

Filed under healing, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part III

The following is something I wrote to someone I have come to know as a dear friend and Sister. She contacted me after reading about my journey of healing from Lyme Disease. My hope is that this can be of help to those who suffer from any chronic illness.

I deeply feel for you Sister! Sometimes it’s so impossibly difficult to navigate this Earthly plane…crazy, wild circumstances…and then to have the additional burden of physical challenges/diseases such as with Lyme. Yeah, it seems that life (Spirit?) conspires to bring us to our knees!

And from that place where we are forced to our knees, when our screams/prayers for help is as from every cell of our body, then—at least in my experience—something breaks (or perhaps opens up) on the inside, allowing us to viscerally experience…Grace! …which can be like the thinnest of lifelines that we can hold to through the darkest of nights!

To me Grace is not just a sentimental abstraction. It is a vibration/sensation. The closest way I can express this is in the abstraction of “Sweet Sorrows.” I imagine that you can understand the experience of crying so long and deeply there is a place you touch that can only be described as…sweetness? I think the feeling is connected with nostalgia…and to me nostalgia is connected with the mysterious longing to “return home”…to our spiritual home.

This tenuous state can last for years, as it did in my experience…and that is why I think of it as being an “initiation” into higher vibratory realms. To me it is the most difficult thing to go through, with no guarantee of “passing.” I do not wish to discourage you dear Sister, but to rather convey how very close I think you are to the Divine Mysteries!

It’s not a bad place to be (on your knees), especially when your cry is for the Mother! For me the the very thin “lifeline” of help (of Grace)—over time—morphed into the subtle “Kundalini” current in the spine—and then again showed itself as the Divine Mother! 

Perhaps your cries to the Universe will manifest in different ways, but they will be very personal to you.

I hope this helps sweet Sister! My heart is with you! Your Brother

Leave a comment

Filed under Accessing Your Higher Self, Higher Self, Kundalini, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit

Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part VI

[Continued from Part V] Think of it in this way: when first learning to dance, it can be helpful to learn some dance moves, but after the initial “getting familiar” period of learning, it is not satisfying to remain in the superficial levels of technique. Going deeper and deeper into the subtleties of movement and rhythm, technique can be released and one can surrender to the natural power and splendor of how life force wishes to dance in the body.

Similarly, meditation technique is helpful in creating the setting for connecting with the subtleties of the life force, but technique does not necessarily lead to a deeper and deeper release/surrender to the flow of the underlying current.

The inner prompts of life force moving through the body and spinal centers may guide/suggest a very different posture, movement of body and breath, position of eyes, focus of attention, etc. To rigidly adhere to meditation technique during such times can work against the very intention of your meditation practice.

In many instances, I believe the all-important “missing ingredient” of meditation practice is the simple feeling deeper and deeper into the overall sensation of the body, the resonance of all sensations felt as one vibration, one “Hum” of Being.

With this particular approach, the mind maintains a fairly easy focus/concentration…as the very subtlety of the underlying “Hum” of the body and spinal centers have an innately blissful feel…and bliss is very easy to maintain one-pointed attention on!

Leave a comment

Filed under bliss, Kundalini, mindfulness, Observer

Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part V

When feeling into the overall sensation of the body, tune into the underlying subtlety of vibration. Notice the shift in consciousness (however slight) as the mind continues to follow/connect deeper and deeper with the subtle waves and pulsations of the underlying “Hum” of the body.

Meditation techniques certainly help in creating the “setting” in which the fine underlying sensations/vibrations can be tuned into, but going deeper and deeper into the subtle realms is not something—I believe—meditation technique of itself is capable of doing.

Here is what I believe happens: once a deep connection with the subtle/ethereal vibrations are viscerally connected with, then meditation technique can be very helpful to go even deeper.

The great irony here is that most meditators begin with the assumption that meditation technique will—in a “step-by-step” fashion—connect them with the Divine Realms. In all my years of meditation practice in the ashram, I had many wonderful spiritual experiences, but the connection with the exquisitely fine Bliss Resonance remained elusive. Neither did I see evidence of that connection with the majority of the Monks that I lived with.

Meditation technique, when focused upon and held tightly to in “step-by-step” process, can create a barrier—however slight—that separates the meditator from the very fine nuances of how the Life Force (Spirit) in the body wishes to move/dance.

The practice of meditation technique does not necessarily lead to a wider energetic space within. The inner “resistance” created by strong attachments to beliefs and assumptions regarding meditation and spirituality builds a kind of force field or “wall” of noise that prevents us from hearing/feeling the subtle reverberations that move just below the surface of our familiar state of being.

Leave a comment

Filed under bliss, freedom, Kundalini, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit, trance

Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part IV

The idea of “losing oneself in dance” is a visceral experience that I believe is understandable and fairly accessible to many people. Similarly, “being danced by Spirit” can be thought of pretty much in the same way, but with some exceptions. The latter idea connects with deeper and more subtle vibrations and sensations…and does not require the physical playing of music to dance to.

Another exception is that when being danced by Spirit, physical movements may be outwardly imperceptible. Rather, it may be more an inner dance of “micromovements,” delicate movements prompted by an inner response and play with the flow of life force in the body…a push/pull play of contraction and relaxation, perhaps reminiscent of isometric and isotonic exercises.

Now, there are many types of subtle energy dynamics happening in the body all at the same time and I wish to speak of only those that can be viscerally experienced/felt, so as to not divert the attention in mere intellectual and philosophical concepts.

Particular sensations that we may not pay much attention to (but worthy of deep exploration) are the incoming and outgoing breaths. When we endeavor to feel deeper and deeper into the subtle sensations that arise when we tune into our breath, at a certain point there is an inner “get,” a visceral experience and connection with the breath as infinitely subtle waves and pulsations of life force.

The above “explanation” can be expressed in another way: “watch/observe the incoming and outgoing breaths dispassionately.” Now, the concepts of watching the breath, as suggested in different meditation techniques, is simple enough to understand. However, the inner “get,” the deep connection and visceral experience of the “distilled essence” of life force through breath seems to require a slight shift in how we “feel” into our bodies.

I find it somewhat mind boggling that, considering all the years (most of my life) that I “practiced” meditation, that a deep connection with the subtle life force (and its Divine Essence, Bliss) remained elusive!

It wasn’t enough to merely understand meditation technique, along with my intention to “go deeper and deeper into subtlety.” All my “trying harder” and longer periods of meditation also did not seem to help.

(To be continued)

Leave a comment

Filed under bliss, Kundalini, mindfulness, Observer, Receiving Spirit, trance