Category Archives: healing

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part II

As mentioned in Part I, I healed from Lyme Disease. The following is a continuation of my Healing Journey.

I did a lot of “due diligence” in trying my best to clean up my diet, to detox myself, exploring alternative modalities (Rife, Edgar Cayce protocols), etc., etc. I also worked with sacred plant medicines (mainly Grandmother)…and all these things helped somewhat in alleviating the most painful symptoms…but for me they were not enough to rid me of what I think of as a kind of Lyme “imprint.”

This is just my way of describing what I could not “shake” from my body/mind/psyche. Although I was able to get to a point of sublimating many of my major symptoms, there was still the deep energetic malaise, severe memory loss, the inability to do any physical exercise or work. This I wasn’t able to release.

I came to understand that doing my best, doing my due diligence was necessary (and helpful), but it amounted to very little on the balance scale of my dance/battle with Lyme. I felt I was on a slow/fast downward spiral!

If I can place numbers as a way to give perspective to what I’m trying to describe regarding my healing journey, it was as if my best efforts amounted to around 10% on the “scale” of healing…the rest, 90%, was Grace of…Spirit? God? Divine?

Lyme forced me to my knees, so-to-speak. I realized I was no match for its power. It was kicking my a$$! Big time! This shattering realization, during a most physically painful moment, dissolved me into a mass of one giant cry/scream for help that seemed to come from every cell of my body!

And help came…along with the understanding of the meaning of… Grace! …And this came with a gut reaction to the immensity of realizing that, “I don’t know sh#t! I felt that I was throwing drops of water on a conflagration that was raging in my body!”

I also came to understand the “entity” aspect of Lyme…that in order to be totally free of it’s grip upon my life, I would need serious help in releasing it from my body/mind/ psyche. This was my experience of how Lyme showed up for me.

The context: In my search for healing, I went to the rainforest in Peru to work with a certain plant medicine (Uchu Sanango) under the guidance of a shaman. I was in isolation for 10 days (administered to only by the shaman). There was three days of intense suffering from the effects of the medicine, but the last two hours of the second day was over-the-top intense! I felt like I was burning up from the inside!

I was screaming and “out-of-my-mind” from the pain…and this is where I came to experience the release of the Lyme “entity.” It felt like being on fire from the inside. I remember snarling and making some bizarre vocalizations…and then the “entity” was pulled out of me, through the top of my head, like it was unwound from my neck and head.

Note: Uchu Sanango is considered one of the “Master Plants” in the Peruvian Rainforest by the shamans. Although it does not have the visionary/hallucinogenic compounds like Grandmother (Ayahuasca) medicine, the intensity (pain) of the experience put me in visionary state whereby I was able to “see” the entity. I believe the entity did not like the intense inner heat. In a sense, my body became too inhospitable for it to remain.

Please understand that my particular experience with Uchu Sanango was not typical. My wife, for instance, during her isolation dieta with Uchu had a very different experience, difficult but not nearly as intense or painful. I would not want to scare anyone from working with this wonderfully healing medicine!

From my perspective now, as I look back at my healing journey, as painful as it was (and pardon me if this sounds cliche), I now see it as having been a great blessing, a baptism by fire so to speak! It was like an initiation that had no guarantee of healing or even physical survival…as I’ve met with others that have not fared as well.

I mention this because to me it seemed that Lyme came as an extreme teaching device…a kind of swim or slowly drown proposition! As helpless as I sometimes felt, there was always an inner prompt that kept me moving and acting towards healing. Sometimes that prompt came as a simple, “get out of bed,” “take one step,” “breathe.” I learned to listen and feel in a way that I’m not sure I could have learned in any other way.

This experience in the Rainforest happened in 2015 and I have not had any recurrence of Lyme symptoms since then.

 

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part I

In 2013, after having been bitten by a deer tic, I contracted Lyme Disease, which turned my life upside down for two years. Having to deal with my fast moving downward spiral of symptoms provided a kind of shattering and “pulverizing-to-the-ego” experience that demanded a way of listening and feeling that I’m not sure I could have learned otherwise. The following post describes my experience.

Connecting deeply with the underlying Bliss Resonance of the body and spinal centers is not necessarily a “step-by-step,” neat and tidy process no matter how diligent we might be in adhering to meditation technique and the guidance and wisdom of ancient teachings and teachers. At least this has been my experience.

During my earlier years as a monk, the sense of belonging to a spiritual community gave me a feeling of security, that I was on the right track moving towards what I longed for: wisdom, Divine Love…spiritual enlightenment.

However, what I had prayed for (with the assumption that meditation practice would in a step-by-step fashion manifest) required a dissolution of my secure and tidy spiritual world view. In other words, my “spiritual” life got very messy! It all came crashing down! And as painful as it was, I intuitively knew that I had to let it all go…the teachings, my narrow attachments to the Guru, the spiritual community…all of it!

This is not to say that I devolved into a life of debauchery or skepticism/cynicism. Rather, releasing my monastic persona and spiritual world view was like releasing a life that came to feel “dusty” and “tired.” I had begun to feel like a bonsai tree, with limbs “wired” into place to look and act like a monk…and with “roots” unable to grow deeply.

Leaving the ashram gave me the “breathing room” to experience life untethered by the narrow constraints (as well as the safety and protection) of the ashram and community “group-think.” However, leaving was a scary place to be, bringing up all the fears and inner “shadows” long hidden beneath the protective facade of my monastic persona. Having released the “secure” and structured lifestyle of the ashram, along with the feeling of free-fall, seemed to allow a wider space for me to feel and to listen to the inner whispers of all my fears, desires and longings.

Years rolled by and the “perfect storm” of ego-pulverizing events occurred when I contracted Lyme Disease in 2013. I went through a hellish two years, during which the feelings of always being sick and exhausted were not the scary parts, as I had a reference point in my life for knowing what it was like to feel sick and exhausted.

What was truly scary for me was the feeling that I was losing my mind…hearing voices, having hallucinations, losing my memory, etc. I felt that I was on a slow/fast downward spiral in which my best efforts amounted to very little on the balance scale of healing.

In my journey of healing from Lyme Disease, I explored many avenues of approach, as the standard of care in Western Medicine (antibiotics) was not enough to rid me of the insidious spirochetes. Among many things, I radically adjusted my diet, used Rife Machine, Edgar Cayce protocols, etc.  However, what finally brought full healing for me was working with certain plant medicines (mainly Uchu Sanango) from the Peruvian Rainforest while going on a 10 day Isolation “Dieta,” administered to by only the shaman.

Working with Uchu Sanango was by far the most difficult and painful experience of my life, as ridding myself of Lyme Disease seemed to require drastic measures. However, since then (2015), all symptoms of Lyme Disease have vanished, never to return! (To be Continued).

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Lessons from the Flu – Part 3

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The body is an infinitely creative, bliss generating machine. It was not meant to be an instrument of torture, although it may seem so when we are sick, injured or out of balance.

I know that when I’m sick or injured, my energy level is compromised and it is difficult to feel upbeat, happy, or of positive mind. During such times it seems the energy is diverted primarily towards healing and going “off-line,” disconnecting from activities that would normally be engaging to us: our creative desires, passions, interests, etc. There is only the desire to rest, sleep, to regain energetic balance. There is also an inner sense or calling to simply endure.

As we move towards balance, our energy level increases. If I’m mindful during this period of coming back “online,” I notice a resuming of feelings of well being, of happiness and creativity.

I notice the increasing energy is like turning the switch back on to the “feel good” juices in the body…a reconnecting with the Bliss Resonance.

Being mindful during the transition from sickness to well-being offers an amazing “Aha!” moment of viscerally connecting with and witnessing the birth of the Bliss Resonance in your consciousness. Once this connection is made, you will always remain connected, even during sickness and imbalance…you will know its most subtle hiding place in the spine, where you can “hear” it sleeping.

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Lessons from the Flu – Part 2

My recent bout with the flu (which I’ve completely recovered from) has been a reminder to me that when the body is unwell, it is very difficult to enjoy things that ordinarily gives great joy and/or pleasure: Listening to my favorite music. Sitting by a beautiful river. Walking in Nature. Nope! Nope! Nope! Doing art, playing music, singing. Nope! Nope! Nope!

As I’ve mentioned before, pain/illness is like a dimmer switch turning down the “feel good” juice in the body…and the natural enjoyment level of what I might consider beautiful, sublime, wonderful, fun, etc. seems to get turned off completely, overpowered by the primal, activating desire to simply be rid of pain.

There seems to be a built-in mechanism or consciousness in the body that moves us towards balance, homeostasis, feelings of wellness. Now, even when the body is well, there is a natural desire to move towards harmonious environments and away from dissonant, distracting ones. For example, it is far easier to enjoy a sense of well being while in a quiet setting (like in the woods), as opposed to being in a place surrounded by leaf blowers, nail guns, jackhammers, etc.

If we tune into, follow the sensations of well being, the “feel good” vibration in the body, it can be felt/experienced as a kind of expanding pressure in the body, like the positive air pressure in a greenhouse. This energy, mojo, prana, bliss, whatever you want to call it, moves with infinite subtlety of vibration through the body and seems to know how to “posture” and move the body as a way to magnify/expand the depths of its creative expression.

Again, when the body is unwell (as with the flu), although the connection with our mojo, the Bliss Resonance in the body is turned down (if not off), a conscious, “Aha!” moment of recognizing it coming back online can be established as the body begins to regain energy.

After illness, when the body has been purged of toxins and has gotten its much needed rest, during that time of energy uptake, the sensitivity to subtle vibrations of the Bliss Resonance as it once again reseats in the body is very high. This allows an opening/opportunity to make deep acquaintance and connection with the serpentine dance of creation!

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Lessons from the Flu

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I noticed something when I had the flu last week. My enjoyment of things I normally love doing seems to get turned off, like a dimmer switch being turned down. Listening to my favorite music, drawing, dancing, etc. gets switched off…and the body/mind just wants to sleep, rest. It is like my connection with beauty, with inspiration gets turned off.

The “feel good” feeling, the Bliss Response in the body can still be tuned into I noticed, but the “gravitational pull” of the body’s need for sleep and rest just seemed too strong. This may sound obvious, but it seems that a certain baseline of health or energy level must exist in order to be in tune with the Bliss Response in the body.

When engaged in any kind of creative work (painting, drawing, writing, playing music, listening to music, dancing, etc.), if you pay attention to the sensations of your body, you may find a kind of pleasant or even pleasurable vibration moving through the body. The subtlety of sensations becomes then a playground for creative inspiration.

When well, the body has an amazing capacity for creative inspiration, for tuning into exquisitely fine sensations, delighting on the balance point of the body’s resonance with Bliss.

After having gone through a bout with the flu, the body, having been purged of accumulated toxins, along with getting plenty of rest, the rising energy level seems to be accompanied by a return of the “feel good” juice, the Bliss Response… the natural state of well being…a clearness of body and mind that supports the state of wonderment and enjoyment of the world!

The body is an amazing, infinitely creative, Bliss generating machine! It was not meant to be an instrument of torture! In my “Ecstatic YOU!” mentorship program, I share some of the ways in which I’ve connected with the conscious and creative currents (Kundalini) that surrounds and permeates the body.

My primary approach is through the use of sound and their overtones. All that is required is an open heart and deep feeling. If you are interested in connecting with, switching on these subtle currents in your body, please contact me for a free consultation to see if we would be a good fit to work together!

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The Great Transformation is Happening Now!

The Great Transformation is happening now! Your bodies are adjusting to accommodate the cosmic energies that are moving through the planet at this time. This increase in the vibratory field can be disconcerting to many people and can be a cause for contraction and fear…or it can be a cause for massive expansion in the heart’s ability to receive Love.

Sometimes it can feel like more than what the body can handle and yet when you allow yourselves to relax into the Divine Field, it becomes much easier to navigate those vastly wider dimensions.

Allow transformation to happen now! Get out of the way of what is wanting to manifest. The flow of creativity is unstoppable when you relax and “let loose” the immense Beauty that wishes to express freely in your lives! Relax, listen within, not only with the ears, but with the finest feelings of every cell of the body.

Move, dance and sing with the flow of what comes forth! Such Beauty is wanting to be born! Can you feel this? There is never a time when you are away from this Power! It is so very close, waiting to be set free through your deep letting go.

Just start writing, drawing, or dancing (or whatever creative play you are called to do)…going deeper and deeper. Embrace it all— the pain as well as the bliss. The unfettered heart has an infinite capacity to divinely transform all that comes through its doors. It knows no boundary of limitation and creates pathways to Beauty wherever the attention is placed.

It is time to shine your light, to receive the gifts that have been yours from the beginning and to step into the resonance of Higher Self! Remember, it begins with a deep listening, feeling with the most sublime and subtle sensitivity.  Immerse yourself in the finest vibrations of the body and heart and allow it all to move through the Field of Being and into the oceanic expanse of Love’s Radiance! Can you feel this? The Great Transformation is happening Now!

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Entrainment With the Cosmic Dance

When we feel the pulse beat of the Mother flowing through our bodies, the river of surrender calls us to flow with all that is: pain, pleasure and everything in-between. I’ve been dealing with some intense sciatica pains over the last few weeks in my right leg, a result of too much chopping wood. Night after night, unable to sleep, having to get up and hobble around just to manage the pain! Something very interesting though: although I “felt” most severely the pain in my right leg, as I followed it internally to its source, it seemed to pulsate from the deepest center of my Being; and from there a strange question arose,  “What do you want?” Of course my immediate answer was “To be free of this blasted pain!” This was followed by another question, “Can you be ok with this?” With this request the body stood up and began to move in an awkward dance accompanied by my muffled sarcastic reply, “Do I have a choice?”

At three a.m. I was in no mood to ponder the infinite complexities of the cosmos nor the words that I just heard. I just wanted to go to sleep and be rid of pain! However, dancing across the floor of my yurt seemed somewhat bizarre and a bit alarming to my wife, who by this time wanted to take me to the hospital. I considered this option but did not want to interrupt the grotesque ballet being enacted. It occurred to me as I continued to witness this unusual tableau that the energetic wave moving through my body was some kind of Cosmic Dance of pain and pleasure. It seemed that the bliss energies in the spine that I had grown accustomed to were moving side-by-side with the intense physical pains as a way to release and balance out the energies in the affected areas. Perhaps writhing on the floor would have been a more “normal” reaction to the pain that I was feeling, but for some inexplicable reason, the dance had taken over, along with a number of mysterious vocalizations that made this episode all the more eerie.

I finally fell asleep at around 4:30am, not because the pain had subsided, but because I was exhausted. The body had to go through its dance of pain and no matter how much I desired a release from its grip, I was allowed only meager moments of respite. At some point during my cherished sleep, the question, “Can you be ok with this?” changed into “I’m ok with this.”  It went on automatically like a song sung feverishly with no thinking involved, just the sound vibrations moving through the body like little snakes darting in and around my hips and legs.

As I sit here now, a few weeks after having experienced the above story, the pain has subsided substantially and the leg is on the road to complete recovery; and yet the question, “Can you be ok with this?” continues to surface daily as a reminder of the pain and its call for me to dance with what may be most uncomfortable. I am reminded that certain repetitive movements of breath and body helps to move energy. It is not so much a matter of “practicing” techniques, but rather an allowing of the energy to “dance” in ways that it wishes to move.

It is all a play of energy, an allowing of the dance to move through and within the bodily field. The beautiful resonance of Love and Bliss are already in the field and it is just a matter of letting what is already within us entrain with the Cosmic Dance.

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Bliss Consciousness: the Transmission

Certain positions of the body, combined with the internal “squeezing” of particular muscle groups generates unbelievable degrees of bliss sensations in the bodily field for those who are familiar with Kundalini energies. The awareness then naturally follows the vibration to deeper and deeper nuances of its expression. Like waves that come and go, yet the consciousness is ever aware of its connection with the Infinite Ocean!

It is so simple and yet understandable why this awareness eluded me for most of my life. Rather, I eluded it. I unconsciously shielded myself from the vast “feelings” implied, too outwardly preoccupied to look into the deep abyss of Self. It was easier to lose myself in the challenges of “surface” living, focusing on the day-to-day struggles and responsibilities, endeavoring to do my duty and dharma as any good citizen of the world would do. It was the default “nine-to-five” daily grind existence handed down to all of us by the predominant culture of a world mindset  that did not know how to connect with the deepest layers of the human psyche – let alone Bliss Consciousness.

There is no “technique” that needs to be “practiced.” The energy will do what it needs to do in order to clear out any impediment or blockage to bliss energy. The body then assumes certain positions of itself to intensify and magnetize the field of the spine and body. Our conscious part is to allow the energy to move as it wants to in the body in order to build up the  field of Kundalini. A gentle twisting or stretching of the spine may suffice, along with a deep listening and feeling for the subtle vibrations that accompanies every posture and movement. This blissful, cosmic vibration is the very river and ocean of Love, in all its power and subtlety! It is the dance of Creation moving through all bodies, singing through all Nature, in the stars and galaxies!

We miss its presence because we distract ourselves with the countless mental stories of our little daily dramas. We short-circuit our direct access to bliss through the culturally created belief that the connection with Spirit/Bliss is only for the saints and supermen/women. And so it is for lifetimes that we pass this belief down through the generations.

There is no difficulty in connecting with this great power. Any perceived difficulty lies only in our resistance to the depths of our feelings. We fear the ocean of Bliss, forgetful of our divine connection with its infinite waters. We are the Ocean! What seems so immense and vast and overwhelming within Nature is a reflection of the infinite depths of our Selves. We hide and lose ourselves in the drunkenness of forgetfulness, choosing to stay little because it is too scary to feel the vastness of our Cosmic Selves. It feels safer to be wrapped in the cocoon of smallness, more comfortable to remain in the “safety” of limitation. We equate “familiarity” with safety and security and then lose our way, haunted by the call of the Eternal Vastness, drowning its voice by magnifying our littleness, building edifices of beliefs that protect our narrow existence in a world that depends on the security of fight and struggle. And yet the transmission of light is available to all who would simply allow themselves to feel deeply and to embrace even that which may seem at first uncomfortable and unpleasant.

Feel! And then follow the sensations as they go deeper and deeper within, along the trail of subtlety. Understand that the heart is a most powerful instrument that can plumb the depths of the deepest realms of any dimension. We then follow the vibration to its most subtle and sublime realm.

This is the transmission: allowing ourselves to feel and follow the pathways of subtlety wherein lie the primal forces of Cosmic Energy. Our deep listening and feeling then becomes the teacher, the guru. This elemental force is conscious and creative and knows how to magnify itself in the bodily field. Again, there is no sense of “practicing” a technique, or following and believing in a particular religious path. Teacher, student, path, it all dissolves into the field of the divine play of Bliss that dances and expresses through the unique creation of our lives!

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Kundalini Activation – What are the Dangers?

There seems to be quite a bit of concern regarding Kundalini activation in the body. Individuals ask if it can be dangerous if awakened abruptly or before the body and mind are prepared. I can only speak from my own experience. For me, the sensations in the spine came on very gently for me…so gently that I was not able to associate anything with it. It seemed strangely familiar, and quite pleasureable, but I did not know how to maintain it. I felt like I was walking on air for a couple of weeks or so…until it went away…for years.

Fast-forward many years later, never forgetting the experience and wistfully thinking that a door that had once opened itself to me was now impossibly shut. However, to my great joy and for reasons I will not get into quite yet, the sensations returned. This time around, I was able to follow and feel the intensity of the vibrations back to the spine. Oh…my…God! Again, the feelings began very gently, but then built up into a crescendo of convulsive contortions of the body accompanied by hissing breaths…and yet with unimaginable sensations of pleasure and bliss!

Getting back to the question regarding whether or not Kundalini activations can be dangerous… Well, I believe there can be a danger if the body is not physically healthy and pliable, because the amount of energy going through it is quite high. It would be like having a body that is fit for 100 watts, but 1000 watts of power is trying to surge through. I also believe it important to have emotional baggage cleared out, because stagnant or stuck energy in the body can be quite painful when the energy surge finds any type of blockage.

The energy has its own wisdom, and especially when Kundalini moves through the body, it knows what to do, taking up certain postures and breathing patterns without our having to direct its flow. It is very much like a serpent spirit in the body, moving and undulating, twisting and squeezing…

Oh, and something else to consider… I believe I missed Her (Kundalini) for years because of her subtle, in-the-background presence, like white noise that I paid little attention too. Something that might help: pay attention to the finest sensation that you can feel in the spine and allow the breath to build up the sensation. Allow the body to assume whatever position it needs to, to magnify the feelings in the spine. The breath and body posture is not something that you think about, it just happens.

Hope this helps. Also, the visual for me regarding what is happening in the spine is that of a microscopic thread of pleasurable vibration that is being pulled through the spinal cord while the body naturally assumes certain “locks” or positions. This is a way of literally “following your bliss.”

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Love’s Vibration – Dissolving the Dream

It is getting clearer and clearer that the work that is my joy to do in the world is in using sound, voice and movement as a way to connect with the heart. My part is in allowing Spirit to show up within the circle of sacred space and allow the Mother to do Her work. Dear Higher Self, please advise.

The Mother lives within you. This is getting more and more evident as you continue working with sound and movement.

Dear Mother, it is all You within!

Yes! Feel me moving through your arms and legs, in every breath you take. You are feeling me on a physical level as never before experienced. With each breath you are now feeling my presence, my bliss moving in your lungs. Isn’t it wonderful to be together in such intimacy? I enjoy being in your body, and it has only been through your invitation and openness that I have been able to enter you. We can now forever dance together. Even others in your group are noticing a difference in you as they allow an opening in their own hearts. Isn’t it all so very delicious?

Yes, at times I cannot contain my joy and gratitude! Sometimes it takes all my strength to not dance and sing whilst in a public place. The body wishes at times to express your love through movement and song!

I understand this delightful dilemma. The energy is moving deeper into your cells, allowing your body to be bathed in Love.

Yes, every breath then becomes blissful!

Bliss energy permeates all things and goes both outwardly and inwardly in infinite directions, through movement as well as through utter stillness. You are learning to navigate both worlds while remaining present to the moment. What you may now consider to be disturbances or distractions to this awareness will soon be absorbed by the all-powerful resonance of your growing bliss. Like an ocean, it receives into its depths all storms of desires and dreams. The vibration of Bliss is Love’s power to embrace and transform all desires. Love then feeds upon all things that you once thought to be distractions. Like kindling, they fuel the fires of Bliss.

In this experience there is no circumstance in life that has the power to pull you away from your rightful place in Love. Feelings of helplessness fall away from your memory as Love’s vibration becomes fully enthroned in consciousness. The dream of separation and limitation has ended. All things are a pulsation of Divine Love!

Love is now experienced as a vibration, a resonance that contains all things and fills all things. It is all Bliss. Nothing is outside of it. Desire, joy, pain, all things are food for its Divine Fire!

Why do I sometimes feel separated from the power of Bliss?

Bliss has created a universe to mask itself behind. It only appears frozen to you through your own acceptance of the dream as being the reality. Receive now, that it is all a vast dream, a condensation of bliss energy. It is all a mirage of separation, a sleep you can awaken from when you allow yourself to feel the heaving ocean of the Infinite Bliss that is just behind the feelings of every breath that you take.

Spirit has filtered itself through the body and senses, allowing the consciousness of ego separation to occur. The “you” of ego consciousness is a play of Spirit allowing itself to dream itself trapped in the body, caught behind the limited dimensions of time and space. However, through the increasing vibration of Bliss that is occurring in the world and in the body, a shift is taking place that is letting you experience and understand yourself as Spirit, playing and dancing in realms of form.

The vibration of Love is dissolving the dream of separation. Receive this! Celebrate this!

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