When I speak of the “hard shell” of my mind, it is the mind that attaches fiercely to sense of identity, to patterns of the world that are familiar, secure and “normal.” It wants the security of being able to survive in the world, as well as to make sense of its place spiritually.
In struggling with Lyme Disease, of course I wanted to be rid of the painful symptoms and I would have been very happy if the regular course of antibiotics worked. But this was not to be. My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy” of health. Instead it was plunged into realms of demonic entities and sorcery!
Now, I wanted to believe that I had an “open” and knowlegeable mind regarding spiritual and “demonic” realms and that I had a strong grounding (and experience) of such things from all the years of meditative discipline in the ashram.
However, life (and ultimately Lyme Disease) shook and thoroughly pulverized this naive belief (in my spiritual world view) that served for so many years to give me such security and solace.
I don’t believe that any amount of meditation, calling/praying on the Gods, Gurus, Angelic Guides, etc., could prepare me adequately for entry into those demonic dimensions. I wanted to think that if I ever had to move through such realms, that I would just call on God, Christ, the Angelic Guides, etc., and I would be protected. After all, I spent many years of my life in the practice of calling on Divine Protection, help and guidance.
However, what I had not expected (or thought possible) was the power of certain entities to withdraw from our minds the memory of how to call for help, or that Divine Help was even available. In previous experiences, I found that most entities have very little power over us, and it was just a matter of calling on the Divine to halt these unwanted intrusions. But then…there are some very powerful entities that seem to require a higher level of protection….Divine Grace!
To me, from the limited human perspective, Grace showed up as a most subtle, microscopically thin lifeline during the darkest of nights. It came unbidden as I had lost all moorings of how to call for help, how to call for Divine Protection. I was thrust into a demonic realm so horrifying and devoid of any spiritual (or human) reference point. All capacity for rational (or spiritual) thought seemed to be sucked out of me. I remember an entity jumping on my chest digging its claws into me. I then lost sense of who I was or where I was. There was only dark, paralyzing fear!
As mentioned, help came unbidden…and from unlikely sources. In my delirium of fear, I saw/heard a male lion come to my aid, ferociously defending me. I also heard a voice command three times, “Satan, get thee behind me!” This broke the initial onslaught, but I was totally spent!